Alternate title: probably manic.

Many members can relate to the “honeymoon period” after joining the church, where everything seems great and exciting. During this period, the older church members treat new members like royalty.

For me, the “honeymoon period” lasted about two solid months.

I remember thinking that I wasn’t capable of feeling sad anymore. Why? Because I’d found the answers to all the unanswerable questions that make people depressed:

What’s the meaning of life? What is my purpose? Why is the earth full of so much suffering? What can I do about it?

The answers weren’t “nothing” and “no reason” for me anymore. I knew all the answers, had cracked the code to the locked box that was the universe.

And I really was euphoric for those couple of months. I don’t remember a drop of the ennui or depression that usually followed me around. People would get upset around me and I’d tune it all out, thinking, What petty and unimportant matters. (Which probably upset them more.)

One of those people was my best friend. I didn’t notice that she was going through a rough time and I wasn’t there for her. Whenever I talked to her, it was about the church, and I didn’t notice the signs that she wasn’t okay.

Later, I lost that friend completely, and the church was at least partly to blame.