On the church’s website, there was a contact form we could use send “letters to Mother.”

“Mother” was a woman named Zhang Gil-Jah in South Korea, whom the WMSCOG regards as God in the flesh.

I used to pour my heart out into those letters, and during the time I was not allowed to see Thomas, I would write about my suffering because of it, and my hopes and dreams about him.

At the time, I thought that God simply knew what was going on with me and gave the local leaders special insight into my thoughts.

I thought that was why they knew I was seeing him when my car got wrecked.

After leaving, I heard from other members that they would admit something in a letter, then the very next day, a sermon would be delivered on the same topic, or they would be directly approached by a leader to discuss what they had written.

It never occurred to me that our local leaders would read those letters, but now I realize that is exactly what was happening.

We were led to believe our letters would go directly to God in confidence, but instead leaders were using them to spy on our innermost thoughts.

Then they would respond in sermons and lectures, making us believe God was answering our prayers.