The WMSCOG taught that mental illness was demon possession.

When I was first baptized and went through a period of bliss, I thought that my spirit had been sanctified and I no longer had poor mental health because the demons were gone.

I thought that as long as I kept doing God’s will, I should continue to feel happy. However, inevitably I became plagued once again with depression, anger, anxiety, and emotional volatility.

I would fight with Thomas until late at night, unwilling to go to sleep until we had fixed our relationship.

He would call me demon possessed and weird, and accused me of acting like I was in a movie when we argued.

I would hit myself until I bruised, hating that I was such a messed up person, hating that the one person who was supposed to love me couldn’t understand or accept me.

I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 18 but wasn’t on meds or being monitored by a psychiatrist or therapist.

The church made me feel that admitting to needing help meant admitting to being demon possessed. Instead, the solution was to preach more, study more, pray more.

But none of that worked, so I continued to feel like my mental illness meant I was a demon, a fact that I needed to fiercely hide and pretend away.