While I was part of the “internet mission,” I got pregnant.

I had already had two abortions under pressure from the church. The second one was when Thomas and I were leading the house church.

While writing articles and posting videos about how the church does not encourage abortions, I didn’t want to be a hypocrite and have another one.

I became obsessed with the idea of having a child. If I went through it myself, I’d see the church’s true colors.

Part of me was also burnt out and wanted an excuse to spend less time doing church missions.

I convinced Thomas to let us keep the baby. At first, he was highly against it, repeating the same things that were taught in the church—it’s the last days, a child is a waste of time, and so on.

I argued that having a child to take care of would help us change and practice God’s love, also using the church’s rhetoric.

(There was always a lot of emphasis on “changing,” because who we were naturally wasn’t good enough for God.)

Eventually he gave in.