As it turned out, I didn’t give the church a chance to rebuke me for letting my child be a distraction.

I worked even harder while I was pregnant than I did before, determined (in spite of my inner yearning for an escape) not to lose any of my “blessings.”

I ran from place to place under the hot sun setting up graphics for events, cleaned the lake on a boat contrary to better advice, stayed overnight working, said “yes” to every single thing I was asked to do.

The voice in my head egged me on: If you’re not the last person to leave, if you’re not working harder than everyone else, they’re going to think you have low faith. And they’re going to blame your child.

I hardly remember being pregnant because I worked so hard to pretend I wasn’t. As a result, I didn’t get punished.

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Postscript: I think it’s important to note that my situation doesn’t represent everyone’s.

I have heard of cases where couples were sent to other churches, forced to hide, or stripped of positions when they had children.

I have also heard of members who were directly instructed or accompanied to get abortions, or rewarded for having abortions. Many parents have been accused of their children being their idols.

It was probably partly because my mission in the tech room was already so hidden that I was allowed to have a baby without being penalized or reprimanded.