There was a sermon in the WMSCOG about how the “flag of joy” was a sign that God was with us.
In other words, negative feelings meant God was not with us.
The leaders would often try to test our faith in this regard.
During times when the church members were all together in one room between or outside of services, the leaders would make offensive (racist, sexist, etc.) jokes, or publicly humiliate or rebuke members.
We weren’t supposed to be hurt or upset. If you’re offended, they’d say, your faith is low. Don’t be a Sensitive Sally.
The discriminatory jokes really bothered me, and I was also often depressed due to bipolar disorder, so I concluded that I had no faith.
Nonetheless, like everyone else, I pretended to be happy all the time, like we were supposed to be.
Even when being rebuked or screamed at in the face, as I and many others have been, we were supposed to sit through it with a smile and only say humble and gracious things without talking back.
That’s how they broke our spirits and won our obedience.
To this day, I have trouble expressing negative emotions because they were so stigmatized in the church.
I once admitted this to a therapist—I’m afraid of having toxic emotions.
She asked me, what’s a toxic emotion? Emotions are emotions and we’re allowed to feel them. We’re allowed to feel sad, angry, resentful, offended, upset.
It was only after I left that I was exposed to the concept of toxic positivity, which causes shame and guilt and invalidates people’s negative experiences and genuine emotions. Some consider toxic positivity a form of gaslighting or abuse.