In Maryland when I was still single, I was in the choir.

When we sang, it felt to me like a sublime experience. Like the heavens were opening up and we were infusing the congregation with the Holy Spirit.

We were taught that choir was a special blessing because we were put on display every service, and thus we needed to be perfect examples of what gospel workers should be like.

That also meant we were always getting rebuked.

We would be rebuked for not wearing enough makeup and looking dead, not making good facial expressions, being tired in service, singing too well, not being good enough, not bearing enough fruit.

(We were tired because rehearsal on Friday night always ran late and by the time we were done preparing everything for the Sabbath it was usually past midnight.)

I honestly can’t remember all of what we were rebuked for, probably because we weren’t doing anything terribly wrong.

But we were often being sat down in the pews and told gravely, “If you don’t shape up, choir will be shut down.” Our sins were even worse than other members because of the responsibility placed upon us.

We constantly felt like we were hanging on by just a thread of God’s mercy.

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According to Dr. Laura Anderson, threats and emotional abuse are forms of religious abuse that can result in trauma. (Laura E. Anderson, When Religion Hurts You.)