Members were expected to attend a “preaching assembly” every single day, then be sent out to recruit new members.

Preachers were sent out in twos.

I believe the rationale is similar to that in the Handmaid’s Tale when they’re sent out in pairs to do errands: Each is a spy to keep the other in line and make sure the outing stays spiritual.

I usually did not join preaching assembly because I was busy with missions.

That was officially okay, because we worked on the flyers that preachers used to invite people, the booklets that hundreds would hold in their hands, the websites that would reach thousands. That was supposed to be our way of preaching.

But secretly, I was glad that I didn’t have to physically go out and preach anymore.

I always felt like my faith wasn’t strong enough to move people when I went out. I felt fake every time I preached. I felt like I had to trick people into coming—which in itself felt wrong and induced guilt.

So working on graphics missions ended up being my escape.

The guilt ate me up, and I started to worry that I would kill the whole graphics team, the whole church, even the whole east coast because I was avoiding preaching.