My feeling of guilt and indebtedness only increased when Mr. Dan, aka Pastor Daniel Lee, declared that a room would be built for me in the Big Shine office.

My child was not able to nap easily because of the bright LED lights. Having my own room would allow me to turn down the lights for her nap time.

So construction started. They put up drywall inside an existing office, dividing the room into two separate rooms with two separate doors.

The smaller one became my office. I was allowed to bring toys and furniture for my child to use. It was nice, really.

Too nice. I felt like I didn’t deserve it. Moreover, I felt like I couldn’t leave because I owed a debt of work to repay Mr. Dan and the construction brothers for what they had done for me. I felt trapped.

Even the fact that they allowed me to keep my child with me while I worked instead of ostracizing me for having her was more than I deserved.

I felt like my work had absolutely no value in comparison. Who was I? The worst of sinners. A piece of garbage.

I felt like a homeless person dressed in the best finery and elevated as if they were royalty: Foolish and useless.

Why was I getting special treatment? I didn’t like it and felt like I would have to pay for it sooner rather than later.