Cooking was one of the prescribed activities for women in the WMSCOG.

While I was in the house church, it was the women who cooked dinner every night and all day on the Sabbath, and I was the one in charge of making meal plans every day and shopping for ingredients.

Upon leaving the cult, I was repulsed by any activity that reminded me of the cult, and that included cooking.

Since I was living with my family, I was fortunate enough not to have to cook because my dad loves cooking and would try new recipes every night.

But I felt incredibly guilty that I couldn’t even bring myself to help.

It was only after about two years that I decided to start the “kitchen befriending arc.”

I created a little recipe book for myself, where I wrote my modified versions of recipes I had found online. I’d have a glass of wine and put on a jazz singing playlist while cooking.

It felt good to reclaim the activity in my own flavor, and keeping my own recipe book made me feel like I was making the recipes mine and building a cooking repertoire.

I still don’t love cooking, but now that I’m living on my own in an apartment with my girlfriend, we take turns cooking each night. She tells me she’s proud of me for being able to cook now.