I was anxious about the idea of starting therapy and finding a good therapist.

In the WMSCOG, we were told that non-member therapists couldn’t guide us properly because they didn’t know the “truth” and didn’t understand the status of the human soul.

Although I had decided to no longer follow the “truth” anymore, I still felt that no therapist would be able to understand my situation.

Moreover, because I had no ill will toward the church when I left, I didn’t want to speak badly of it or talk about the events that I had found traumatic.

I didn’t have insurance, so I used BetterHelp, which allows you to switch therapists any time you want. I went through a whole slew of therapists trying to find the one that understood me the best.

Aside from mentioning briefly that I had been in a cult (a word that I felt guilty using), I didn’t talk about the church. I never mentioned the name of the church in an effort to protect it and also so my therapists wouldn’t look it up online.

I felt like if they found out what church I had been attending, it would activate “Satan” in them and they would not be able to help me.

I was diagnosed with anxiety, PTSD, and OCD. One therapist was convinced that I had been sexually or physically abused as a child to explain my PTSD, and tried to get me to search deep into my past for the seeds of trauma, perhaps in the form of suppressed memories.

I was disturbed by the idea, as my childhood had been relatively peaceful and without incident. I didn’t talk to this therapist about my experience at the church, which was more likely the source of my trauma.